The Kombi Files

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27/09/2004 11:14   Sanding With Meat   [Body]

Sanding the rust away from the roof of a kombi is a lot like the process of taking a squeegee to the beads of sweat that accumulate on a fat girl after a hard game of netball....

Essentially both involve water, and smell pretty ordinary. The differences are that girls dont like being sandpapered and so I recommend a squeegee instead of an orbital sander.

First you identify the target areas, these are the rusty parts on a kombi and the pools of sweat on your fat girl. It is very easy to do and will, as do most steps depend on the dimensions of your girl/van.

Next you fire up your powertool be it squeegee or orbital sander (armed with wet/dry sandpaper.) It is then essentially the task to grind your powertool persistently over the areas of rust or drippings on your subject until no rust remains/ or she is dry,(or failing that really chafed.)

The task after this step is to tease the little butterball about her weight....I recommend using the words fatty; fat frivolous lady; ugly fatty; disgusting fat greaseball ad-nauseum ... until your fatty develops an urge to kill herself.... On a kombi this stage of the process involves adding not insults but 'primer'over the sanded areas to protect the areas from further rust that may emerge before you have a chance to paint.

Some rust spots were difficult to remove at which point Bukets performed an acid rince over the affected areas before priming. Should you wish to perform an acid rinse on a fat person I recommend for maximum effectiveness trying to distract them first with some sort of cake or sweet bread.

The final stage of the process is to paint the primed areas. The equivalent for your net ball star is once she is on the verge of self harm is to suggest to her that she develop an eating disorder.

Both processes are designed to 'restore' bodies into more aesthetically pleasing states.

Thankyou for spending some time sanding with Meat.


P.S What is wrong with people?

 
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